Week 8: Receiving Forgiveness & Self-Compassion
March Newsletter: Week 8 of From Wounds to Wisdom Series. Creating your Self-Compassion Mantra and other resources.
We are all broken and in need of forgiveness. It is so easy to hold judgment against ourselves and against others without even knowing it.
Upcoming Soul Care for Wounded Healer Events
Thur, March 7th, 10:30-11am PST: Contemplative Silent Meditation
Weekly Tuesday Groups 10-11am PST; From Wounds to Wisdom: for those engaging with the series. Now-April 9th.
Tues April 9th, 10-11am PST : Soul Care Group
For those following along with the weekly series, From Wounds to Wisdom, I’m switching up the order of the Twelve Steps. Bold, yes, but I’m wanting to lay some ground work of receiving embrace and empathy before moving to the infamous Step 4 or Fearless Inventory.
Steps 6 & 7 in the Twelve Step recovery journey involve letting go, surrender, and humility. Step 6 invites a posture of willingness to be transformed by God. In Step 7 we ask God to remove our shortcomings. In order to do both steps, we need to receive and extend forgiveness. To open our hands even just a little, and say: I need help, I can’t do this alone.
In a poem called Phase One, Dilruba Ahmed describes many minute ways she has not lived how she would like to, “opening fridge doors, fantasies, wilted seedlings, unkempt plants, lost bags, feeling awkward, treating someone poorly.” Near the end, she begins to include the refrain, "I forgive you." She closes with:
For being unable to forgive yourself first so you
could then forgive others and
at last find a way to become
the love that you want in this world.
It’s the little things that sometimes pile up in us and deepen into resentment. When we say something we wish we hadn’t and hurt someone. When we record a meditation on shame and there’s a ton of background noise (here’s the link :). When we mess up in any way, we might feel shame, embarrassment, anger, or frustration.
In these moments, may we welcome our emotions, receive God’s embrace, and extend forgiveness to ourselves. May we remember we are human, we have normal human needs and emotions.
In the below practice you are invited to create your own self-compassion mantra. It involves three simple phrases that you might bring to mind when self-judgment rages inside of you, or when you simply make a mistake.
In a few weeks, we’ll focus more on extending forgiveness to others.
As you create your own Self-Compassion Mantra, see below external resources to further your practice.
Self-Compassion Mantra
Based on work by Kristen Neff, adapted from: San Francisco Center for Acceptance & Commitment www.sf-act.com by Hayden Wartes, Co-Pastor Awake Church
A self- compassion mantra has 3 components:
Step 1. Mindfulness: This is a moment of suffering. Notice when you are suffering. Often we jump straight to try to fix the situation, avoid it, or blame others or ourselves. Acknowledge the hard moment as you are feeling it.
There is suffering here
It's painful for me to feel this now
Here I am again, experiencing this
This is really hard
Step 2. Common Humanity: Suffering is part of life. This invites us to remember our common humanity: suffering is part of life. The story of Jesus invites us into our full humanity, and whatever you are feeling is a normal human emotion.
This is part of what it means to be human
I am accepted just as I am
I did not choose to feel this
Jesus meets me in my humanity
Everyone feels this way sometimes
Step 3. Kindness: May I give myself the kindness & compassion that I need. This is invitation to treat yourself with kindness, like you would for a friend you respect. To handle yourself with the love and compassion of your Creator who sees, knows, and loves you.
Let me offer kindness and gentleness to myself
May I join God's way of love for me
May I hold my pain with tenderness
I am worthy of receiving compassion
I am exactly what God had in mind when God made me
Using examples above or your own words, create a three-part mantra you can say to yourself when you're in a hard moment:
1. ____________________________________________________________________________
2. ____________________________________________________________________________
3. ____________________________________________________________________________
Write it on a piece of paper you will see often until memorized.
When things are hard and darkness seems to overtake us, may we offer kindness and seek rest in God's love, acceptance and care.
RESOURCES
BURNOUT & RECOVERY RESOURCE LIST (Hay varias en Español también). If you have recommendations, I'd love to hear about them!
INSIGHT TIMER GUIDED MEDITATIONS:
I’ve recorded some of my soul care group meditations for your listening and prayerful contemplation on-the-go! I welcome your rating and sharing of the meditations.
SOUL CARE FOR WOUNDED HEALER: CUSTOMIZED NON-PROFIT WORKSHOPS
Based on the book, From Burned Out to Beloved, workshops integrate discussion questions, grounding activities, trauma research, recovery tools, contemplative practices, and other spiritual disciplines. They seek to improve the overall well-being of individuals, enhance organizational culture, and improve sustainability and effectiveness in work.
Workshop topics can be combined or tailored specifically for your group. Contact me to start the conversation.
EXTERNAL RESOURCES
Poem for Meditation: Listen to the complete Phase One poem, written by Dilruba Ahmed and read by Pádraig O Tuoma https://onbeing.org/poetry/phase-one/
Movement Practice: Kind, by Yoga with Adriene
Further Practice: Self-Compassion Break, by Christopher Germer
deep, abundant grace to you on the journey,
Bethany Dearborn Hiser
Bethany Dearborn Hiser is the Director of Soul Care for Northwest Family Life, a network of therapists trained to work with survivors of domestic violence and sexual trauma.
She is the author of From Burned Out to Beloved: Soul Care for Wounded Healers. For more about her, her book, or workshops she offers, visit: