Extending Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a gift we give to others, and to ourselves.
Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they don't know what they are doing."
~ Luke 23:34
Forgiveness “does not mean giving up one’s protection, but one’s coldness…[it] is an act of creation…You can forgive for now, forgive til then, forgive till the next time…You decide.”[iii]
~ Clarissa Pinkola Estés
Forgiveness is a gift we give to others, and to ourselves. I often used to tell women that I met with in jail, that forgiveness doesn't mean what someone else did was okay, it is giving them over to God, who is good and just.
Letting go of judgment requires humility. We think holding on to our judgments toward others is protecting ourselves and remembering the hurt that has been done to us, but it only hurts ourselves. Marianne Williamson powerful names in this quote:
“Unforgiveness is like drinking poison yourself and waiting for the other person to die.” ~Marianne Williamson
Forgiveness is also a process, perhaps a process of a lifetime. Psychiatrist and storyteller Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés invites her clients through four phases of forgiveness.[i]
To forego—to leave it alone; to take a break from thinking about the person or event for awhile.
To forebear—to abstain from punishing; “neither thinking nor acting on it in small or large ways…It means to give a bit of grace to the situation and see how that assists.”[ii]
To forget—to aver from memory, to refuse to dwell; moving it from the foreground to the background of memory.
To forgive—to abandon the debt; “a conscious decision to cease to harbor resentment.”
Below is a Visio Divina practice that will invite you to consider forgiveness. Visio divina is a form of divine seeing in which we prayerfully invite God to speak to our hearts as we look at an image. [Trigger warning- the image contains violence.]
Before you begin, I encourage you to spend time in the Gaze, to settle your heart and mind. After time in the Gaze, invite God to bring to mind a judgment you are holding against another.
VISIO DIVINA PRACTICE
Adapted from https://www.lindsayboyer.com/visio-divina; and https://scottericksonartshop.com/products/images-for-contemplative-conversations-downloadable-artwork
The practice of Visio Divina, "divine seeing" in Latin, invites reflection on our life and the divine/sacred through the use of visual art.
As you gaze at the image, notice your breath and your body.
Simply be present to the image and allow it to speak to your heart, without any particular agenda. It might speak to you in words or wordlessly.
How do you feel looking at the image?
If you were in the image, where would you place yourself?
In what way do you get a glimpse of the sacred from this image? Is God speaking to you in this image?
Does a name of a person come to mind that you hold judgment against? Perhaps someone who represents a different ideology or party politic. What do you feel in your body?As you feel led and ready, extend forgiveness to them. Consider what phase of forgiveness you are in, as described by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés.
Consider what God might want to give you in place of judgment.
In silence, sit with what you have received.
If you choose, write down a word or phrase to express your experience of the image.
We will continue to explore forgiveness next week, as we follow Jesus through the events of Holy Week.
Grace and Peace to you in the process of forgiveness,
Bethany Dearborn Hiser
"Forgiveness is one of the really difficult things in life. The logic of receiving hurt seems to run in the direction of never forgetting either the hurt or the hurter. When you forgive, some deeper, divine generosity takes over. When you can forgive, then you are free. When you cannot forgive, you are a prisoner of the hurt done to you. If you are really disappointed in someone and you become embittered, you become incarcerated inside that feeling. Only the grace of forgiveness can break the straight logic of hurt and embitterment. It gives you a way out, because it places the conflict on a completely different level. In a strange way, it keeps the whole conflict human. You begin to see and understand the conditions, circumstances, or weakness that made the other person act as they did."
~ John O'Donohue, Eternal Echoes
Poem for Meditation: The Hardest Blessing, by Jan Richardson, from The Cure of Sorrow. https://paintedprayerbook.com/2014/09/09/the-hardest-blessing/
Book with art & spiritual practices: Forgive Everyone Everything, by Father Gregory Boyle, SJ, art by Fabian Debora.
